Yeshivat Ohel Torah - A Hidden Jewel in the Heart of Brooklyn
Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch.
She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern. They advised Becky to boil the sauce again.
That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the guests volunteered to answer it. Becky’s face dropped as the guest called out, “It’s the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out.”
A teenager spent a full hour in a boutique choosing the perfect dress for a party. Finally, she made her purchase.
The next day, however she was back with the outfit. “Can I exchange this for something else?” she asked.
The shopkeeper was surprised, but couldn’t argue with her explanation. “My parents like it.”
A customer called the round-the-clock tech support hotline to ask what hours the call center is open.
“The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week,” said the technician who answered the call.
The customer asked, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time?”
Dorna Delrahim nia
Through Stormy Conditions
A pilot, an Olympic gold medalist, a brain surgeon, an old man, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling. Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. “There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us,” he announced. “Since I’m the pilot, I get one!” He grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
“I'm the world's greatest athlete,” proclaimed the gold medalist. “This world needs great athletes, so I must live.” He grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane.
“I'm the smartest man in the world,” bragged the brain surgeon. “The world needs smart men, so I must also live!” He grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
The old man and the pizza delivery boy were now the only two left. “I have lived a long life compared to you,” the old man said to the boy. “Go ahead and take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane.”
“Not to worry!” the boy exclaimed. “The world's smartest man jumped out of the plane with my backpack.”
A sour chew and a tingler were walking on the street when suddenly the sour chew fell on the floor. “Are you okay?” the tingle asked.
“No,” the sour chew said. “I’m chaf kay.”
Rachel took her five-year-old daughter with her shopping. The little girl watched her mother try on outfit after outfit, exclaiming each time, “Mommy, you look beautiful!”
A woman in the next dressing room called out. “When you are through, can I borrow your daughter for a while?”
Jack V Grazi
Abe was well-known for his stinginess and for his “eye for a bargain.” One day he was looking for a cheap wedding present for his niece, so he went into a gift shop on 5th Ave. As he was walking around, he noticed what had been an expensive Waterford crystal vase lying in the corner. It was in three pieces.
After some haggling with the owner, Abe bought the broken vase for $10. He then filled in the congratulations card, wrote out his niece’s name and address, and gave the owner another $15 so that the broken vase could be gift wrapped and mailed. Abe then left the shop feeling quite pleased with his idea. He expected his niece to think the vase had been broken in the mail.
A few days later, he called his niece to see if the present had arrived.
“Yes, Uncle Abe, but unfortunately, it was in three pieces when it was delivered.”
“What terrible luck,” Abe said. “The Postal Service is getting worse all the time.”
“It’s a shame,” she replied. “It was so beautifully wrapped. Each piece separately.”
Finding Her Place
On her way back from the restroom, Julie asked a woman near her seat, “Pardon me, but did I step on your foot a few minutes ago?”
Expecting an apology, the woman said, “Indeed you did.”
Julie nodded, and noted, “Oh, good, then this is my seat.”
My wife was hinting to me about what she wanted for her birthday. She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 60 in about two seconds.”
When my wife came home from work today, she was very surprised to see that inside the wrapping was a diamond heart monitor.
A woman went to a caterer to plan her husband’s 72nd birthday party.
“Is it a surprise?” the caterer asked.
“No,” the woman answered. “My husband knows he’s turning 72.”
Being 10 Again
A man asked his wife what she wanted most for her birthday.
She said, “I’d love to be 10 again.”
On the morning of her birthday, they got up bright and early and went to a theme park. They went on every ride in the park, and by the time they left, they were both feeling a little queasy.
They celebrated with a dinner of burgers, popcorn, soda and sweets.
When they finally got home, her husband looked at her and asked, “Well, what was it like being 10 again?”
She groaned. “Actually, I meant dress size.”
A father and son went fishing one day. At first the boy was happy just to spend time with his father, but after a while, he started getting curious. He asked his father, “How does this boat float?”
The father thought for a moment and said, “I don’t really know, son.”
The boy thought some more and asked, “How do fish breathe underwater?”
The father just replied, “Don’t really know, son.”
A while later the boy asked, “Why is the sky blue?”
Again, the father replied, “Don’t really know, son.”
“Dad, I hope I’m not bothering you by asking all these questions.”
“Of course not,” the father said reassuringly. “How else are you going to learn anything?”