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Past Articles:
THE LIGHTER SIDE





Dog’s Play

A man running a little behind schedule arrives at his child’s school play and as his eyes adjust to the darkness, he is surprised to see a dog sitting beside its master in the row ahead, intently watching the play. It even seemed to be enjoying the play: wagging its tail in the happy bits, drooping its ears at the sad bits, and hiding its eyes with its paws at the scary bits.

After the play, the man approaches the dog's owner, "Wow, your dog really seemed to enjoy the play. I'm amazed!"

"Yes, I'm amazed also," came the reply. "He hated the book."

Ralph S.

A Distant Relative

From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting, jumping up and down, and desperately waving his hands.

"Who is that?" a passenger asks
the captain.

"I've no idea. Every year when we pass this way, he goes nuts."

Jacqueline D.

Got Any Grapes?

A duck walks into an auto parts store. Cutest little duck you've ever seen. He walks up to the clerk and asks, "You got any grapes?"

The clerk says, "No, we don't have any grapes." The duck walks out.

The next day, the same duck walks in and goes up to the clerk. The duck asks, "Got any grapes?"

The clerk says, "Look, I told ya’ yesterday we ain't got no grapes." The duck walks out.

The next day, here comes the duck, up to the clerk. The clerk looks at him, and asks, "What'll it be today?"

The duck says, "Got any grapes?"

The clerk is angry now, and he says, "Look pal, you come in here one more time and ask for grapes, I'm gonna’ nail your beak to the wall! You hear me!?" The duck walks out.

The next day, same duck comes right up to the clerk. The clerk looks at him and says, "Yeah?"

The duck says, "Got any nails?"

The clerk, kinda’ confused, says, "No."

The duck says, "Glad to hear that, but tell me do you got any grapes?"

Maurice Z.

For the Wedding Day

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

The mother replied, "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

Debbie G.

This I Learned from Life...

A school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five-and-six-year-olds. After explaining the commandment to “Honor thy father and thy mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, “Thou shalt not kill.”

Raymond H.

Memorial Service

One holiday morning, the rabbi noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the synagogue staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small Americanflags mounted on either side of it.

The six-year-old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the rabbi walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, "Good morning, Alex."

"Good morning, Rabbi," he replied, still focused on the plaque.

"Rabbi, what is this?"

The rabbi replied, "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling withfear asked,
"Which service, the 8:00 or the 9:30?"

Sharon H.

Philanthropy

A visitor to Israel attended a recital and concert at the Moscovitz Auditorium. He was quite impressed with the architecture and the acoustics.

He inquired of the tour guide, "Is this magnificent auditorium named after Chaim Moscovitz, the famous
Talmudic scholar?"

"No," replied the guide. "It is named after Sam Moscovitz, the writer."

"Never heard of him. What did he write?"

"A check," replied the guide.

Mike E.

The Jewish Tailor

Old Avraham was a poor tailor whose shop was next door to an upscale French restaurant. Every day at lunch time, Avraham would go out the back of his shop and eat his black bread and herring while smelling the wonderful odors coming from the restaurant's kitchen.

But one day, Avraham was surprised to receive an invoice from the restaurant for “enjoyment of food.” So, he went to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought anything from them. The manager said, "You'reenjoying our food, so you should pay us for it."

Avraham refused to pay and the restaurant sued him. At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the case. The manager said, "Every day, this man comes and sits outside our kitchen and smells our food while eating his. It is clear that we are providing added value to his poor food and we deserve to be compensated for it."

The judge turns to Avraham and said, "What do you have to say to that?"

Avraham didn't say anything but stuck his hand in his pocket and rattled the few coins he had inside.

The judge asked him, "What is the meaning of that?"

Avraham replied, "I'm paying for the smell of his food with the sound of my money.

Alex S.

Shirley's Blind Date

Rena asked her daughter Shirley, "How was your blind date?"

"Terrible!" Shirley answered.
"He showed up in a 1932
Rolls Royce."

"Wow! That's a very expensive and fancy car. What's so bad about that?"

"He was the original owner."

Sharon H.

Courting...

A person walks into a dermatologist’s office asking for help.
I think I’m a moth.”

The dermatologist says, “You don’t need a dermatologist,
you need a psychologist.”

The patient says, “Yes, I know.”

The doctor asks, “Well, if you know you need a psychologist, why did you come in here.”

The patient answers, “Well, your light was on…”

Joey C.